When you’ve had a hard day at the coalface

Some days. Some days. Some days are just hard. I had a hard day today. I should be clearing the pile of bits and bobs which I piled on my bed this morning to their rightful places, so that I can go and get some sleep. But some days, I just need to bash it out here on the blog.

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These are my two gorgeous little treasures. They are always on the go. They barely ever stand still enough for me to take a decent photo. I love them to distraction.

I was a bad parent to them today.

My husband left for a 9-day trip to Japan before they woke this morning. They woke crying and cross. And as the day went on, things got worse, not better. Gentle parenting? It went out the window. I shouted. I snatched. I spitefully took away privileges in order to punish. I was mean. I didn’t sit with them while they ate their dinner. I treated them as inconveniences to my day stopping me getting on with what I wanted to do. My son cried himself to sleep. Again.

I was not gracious.

It was ugly.

At bedtime, I told them I was sorry. Sorry for being unkind and impatient. Sorry for shouting. Sorry to them and sorry to God. We prayed for God’s help to make us kind and loving to each other, and we thanked Him for forgiving us. But…

But these two little ones will only be this little once. Every time I treat them this way, it is bringing a little more bitterness, a little more darkness into their experience. That is not what I want for my children.

I’m feeling the weight of this task of parenting so acutely this evening. I know I’m not ever going to get it completely right, but surely the desire to do better is put there by God to help spur me on to love them in my actions and words as well as my heart?

May tomorrow be better. May I bring light to them, each moment, each day.

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